Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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