i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
