Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
