***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
only you would photoshop your dick
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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