I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
