I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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