So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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