phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
