I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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