Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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