can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
