I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
