I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
