I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
