i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
