Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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