If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
