You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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