i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
