Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
