Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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