Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It's blow job season.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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