4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
