Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
