I think I died a long time ago.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
