my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
