i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
