her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Randomize
