So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
