Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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