I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
