my mouth tastes like poor choices
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
