I think my fart just growled at me.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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