Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i think my mom watched the whole time
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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