If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
