No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I wear drunk well.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
