He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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