I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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