Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
