So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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