We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
