I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
