I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
