Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
