my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
