i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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