God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
