Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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