The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
