I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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