Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
