ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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